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If he or she can’t answer these 20 questions genuinely,don’t marry him or her!

How many years have you been seeing him or her? How desperate is he or her when issues about tying the knot pops up in your conversations?

Well! Here are 20 questions to ask your girlfriend or boyfriend about your relationship moving forward, most especially if you guys are considering anything serious like marriage.

1. Is for better or worse making me better or worse?

Does the person you’re staying with feels happy and encourages you to do your best, or does he or she get intimidated by any triumphs and feel more secure when you’re not putting your best foot forward? Does he or she make you feel secure and loved or do they create drama or leave you sitting in a sea of uncertainty?
Happy, healthy partners bring about a sense of calm and excitement into our lives whereas toxic partners will deplete and demoralize us. If your co-pilot isn’t reliable and ready to go the long-haul, it’s best to fly solo.

2. Do we really accept one another? 

How does the person you’re staying with reacts to your flaws?There will always be things you want to change about the people in your life, but no one should be in a situation where they feel they aren’t allowed to be authentic and accepted as unique as they are.

3. Who am I?How can you know if your partner is a good match if you have no idea who you are?

There is a big difference between who you are and who you would want to be. Take some time and think about the person you are and want to become. Get to know your values, your non-negotiables, your short and long-term goals. It’s important to get a good understanding of what you hope to experience and achieve in life and what you truly like and don’t like before you bring someone else into your life.

4. Does my partner have my back?

Do you feel like you’re a part of a loyal team who stands up for one another, supports one another, and shows a united front (even when the other is not around)? Or do you feel like you’re constantly being thrown under the bus by your mate?

5. Am I feeling trapped?

Do you sometimes feel like quitting the relationship but you end up staying because you have invested your time and money or because of some benefits you get? Do you really want to be in this relationship the majority of the time or do you find yourself wishing for a way out? Do you like them or are they “good on paper”?

6. What am I doing to hold us back?

Maybe you could be more attentive, more thoughtful, quicker to let things go, or the first to bring up going to counseling. Perhaps you are pushing them away for reasons that stem from your childhood or your friends are doing “what you always do”. Whatever it is, take this as your sign to step up.

7. Is this relationship balanced?

Do you feel you’re both on the same page in terms of compromise, care, support, effort, and sacrifice? Or is one of you doing most of the giving while the other just sits with their hand out? Remember that when one does this for a long time,the person at a point in time might get tired of the whole relationship.

8. Can we have fun together?

This one is important. If you can’t have fun together while dating,then what do you aim to achieve in marriage?Have you ever seen two people sit across from one another in silence at brunch as though they are being forced to walk through their day together? Not fun.

9. Am I happy to be in this relationship?

The idea of sharing a life together is not to find someone to complete you or make you happy. But let’s face it: being unhappy at home can seep into other areas of your life… and fast. If you’re always fighting or just generally not feeling great about your twosome, it doesn’t mean you have to bail out (counseling might be a good option) but marrying someone in the hope that it changes things is a bad, bad idea.

10. Why am I in this relationship?

Is it because you respect, love, trust, and value the person you are with? Or because you’re afraid of being alone, worried about finances, or have built a life you’re scared to leave? These are two great questions you can ask yourself and even your partner and genuine answers will help you guys know where the relationship is heading to.

11. Where is this going?

LOL.. This has been the slogan of ladies when they meet rich men and they want to quit their current relationship. But let’s be living in the “now” is great, but eventually, the partnership will need a plan or someone will begin to feel anxious. Are you checking in with one another and aware of the other person’s expectations?

12. Do I really trust my partner?

Another important thing we have to consider. For some, the immediate response to this can be devastating. If you’re one of them, it’s time to ask why and how you can begin to build or rebuild trust. Without it, there’s no chance.

13. Am I with a good person?

How do you define someone as”a good person”?Hold your definition for now, knowing what you know about your partner today, would you vouch for them if they were a friend??

14. Am I attracted to my partner?

Physical attraction is hardly the most important component in a relationship, but forcing yourself to be in a relationship with someone who you’re not attracted to just because it’s comfortable or “perfect on paper” isn’t fair to anyone. You will feel resentful and they will feel rejected.

15. Am I a parent or a partner?

Taking care of someone you love is a great thing to do, but when you feel like you’re raising a boyfriend or girlfriend — or worse, a husband or a wife, things get a little complicated. You will resent his childish ways. Who(grown up) wants to sleep with their mom or dad?

16.What is my gut telling me?

Do you feel like this relationship is healthy and moving at a healthy pace in a positive direction? You have an intuition for a reason. Listen to yourself.

17. Are we looking at the same direction?

Some couples avoid having the big talks (religion, marriage, babies) because they think that, somehow, these things will just “work themselves out.” By the time they realize they won’t, they’re in a complicated, painful situation that leaves one (or both) feeling a little bit duped. If you want kids and your partner thinks you’re both “living in the now” and fine with the status quo, you’re both doing yourselves and one another a disservice (and wasting time).
18. Are we growing together?
Are you and your partner still indulging in your passions (individual and shared) and growing as individuals? Does your relationship have balance in terms of growth?

19. Am I still me?

Always remember we were all created with unique personality so, being in love with someone should not require changing our identity to fit someone else’s idea of who we should be, on any level.
20.Can we have fun apart?
Co-dependency ain’t cute, y’all.

Simon Kabutey
Simon Kabutey
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